Saint Aura (plinksnotdead) wrote,
Saint Aura

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Late Night Notepad.

TITLE: "Late Night Notepad."
FANDOM: Good Charlotte/real life.
RATING: Um... M15+
PAIRING(S): The one I love.
SUMMARY: "If you love something, let it go. If it comes back to you, it's yours forever. If it doesn't, it was never yours to begin with."

Sequel to "The Stories Of Our Lives."

7:30pm, Friday night.

An empty window in notepad. A long, boring night ahead of you with nothing but the prospect of pizza muffins and sitting online, waiting for that someone to get on.

Sounds fun, doesn't it? Stupid boring pizza muffins.

There's a few people online, but he (yes, that certain someone is male, this we have deduced.) isn't. A few of his mates are, a few exes and some randomers.

Fark, why isn't Joel online?!

Whoops. Okay, so far we have a male named Joel that I am waiting upon to get his hot body online.

A male named Joel with a hot body!

This is getting me no. Where.

Yes, that was meant to be two words.

Oh lookie, one oh his mates just got online -- I won't tell you his name, no one is important except for Joel. And possibly Billy, er, someone else I'm talking to who is currently sending me Weird Al songs via MSN.

Stupid no-broadband. Why do file transfers always take so long?

It might just be that Alba Albur Al, oh forget it, I'm copying the damn file name Alberquerque, there, is such a fucking huge file (10,684kb!) that it's taking forever.

Yeh, Billy is just that bored. I've never heard this song and once, back before he was famous -- yes, mystery certain male named Joel and Billy are famous! -- (actually not that long ago, back before he was too famous to come see me!) he and another of his mates sang the entire thing, complete with Billy going "nyow nyow nyow nee nyooooowwww!!!" for guitar solos.

I swore I would never speak to them again after that.

So Paul is currently singing the Power Rangers theme at me -- oh whoops, another one. Don't you just hate it when you're too lazy to go delete someone's name from your random typing, yet you can bother saying you're too lazy to delete someone's name from your random typing? I even typed that twice, no copy+paste!

I love me.

Paul is making stupid references to stupid TV shows that only stupid people remember, Billy is singing "Alberquerque", and Joel the ugly mofo with the hot body is not online.

I'll stop now.

Now Paul is accusing me of reading gay porn -- which I do. But he's accusing me of reading it on purpose... which I also do. But this time it was by accident!

I was in the library, bored. I closed my eyes, walked to a shelf and grabbed a random book. "Holding The Man" by Tim Conigrave. How was I supposed to know it was +3h pr0n?

Yes, Paul is such a dork that he types it that way. I love the fatman, really.

Whoo, Billy has now brought his girlfriend into this -- I love having female friends. Especially when we're talking about porn, Mary Sue's and why Paul is fat (I'm sorry, I love him really!) and Billy is just sitting there going "Oh... kay."

Paul just asked me to entertain him. I said I'd strip and dance. He said he'd sit there with his legs crossed. Oh dear.

This makes no sense, but why is Joel Madden er, McCartney (yes, that's it!) not online?!


Sorry, that was just in my copy+paste.

One of his mates told me this morning that he's been in a bad mood all week -- something about his Dad (which is serious and rare, Joel doesn't have much or anything to do with his Dad, really.) and then playing catch with Benji and missing the ball. Joel has been baseball obsessed his entire life, he and Benji joined the baseball team in high school, I still remember that day. Joel's not fantastic but he's played too often to suck that much. According to my most reliable resources (Billy and Paul, Benji is a suck at getting online to chat to anyone!) he now has a lovely black eye and a concussion. Did I mention he's an idiot?

I love that boy.

I remember once in high school, he was teasing this kid called William (no, not Billy. Although Billy did go to high school with us, we didn't know him at the time.) by calling him "Bill" because every time he did, William would reach out and kick Joel's friend Seb in the leg -- which was hilarious. Then he started singing Rolling Stones song (my fault!) and I was like "Phwoar, I heart you."

I have so many random Joel memories.

"Who is the world's sexiest man? The law catches out the usual suspects."

No, that's not a random Joel memory, that's just something that came on TV that I had to type down -- it was funny at the time. Damnit, now Paul's gone offline, apparently I'm not funny enough to entertain him. I tried to send him to, but that's not funny enough either, apparently. Apparently.

OH MY GOD no more pretending to type down random Joel memories, he's just signed online!

Gods I love that boy.

Even if now we're arguing over the weather, the fact that we're on different sides of the country doesn't seem to worry us. We're arguing over whether is was raining or not -- pointless. Now he's making the lame joke of "Why is the menstrual cycle referred to as the period? Because "Mad Cow Disease" was already taken." Couldn't help freaking him out by telling him to shut up with the added message of "Yes but you don't BLEED OUT THE WHAZOO once a month!"

He disconnected after that.

But now he's back. Um, okay. Apparently I'm an idiot who doesn't know anything about anything. He's a lovely person really, but I don't feel brave enough to ask what's wrong -- he'll probably explode, punch someone, and ignore me for another week.

I love him, really.


Someone to save me. Well not really, I find Benji annoying as arse, but maybe he can give me some incite into what's wrong with Joel. I just told Joel I was in a bad mood and now he's all nice and understanding -- I think.

Well, this boring night with notepad has become a lot more fun.

Billy's girlfriend and I are making out over MSN, with Billy drooling over every moment. He knows he loves it. He stole her from me in the first place!

Joel won't tell me what's wrong; he says it's nothing and then goes quiet. Sigh. But Billy's girlfriend and I are talking about the art of hand-kissing! Billy thinks it's cute. I think Billy's cute, the end.

Oh. My God.

1:32pm, Saturday afternoon.

sXe (NOT.) says:
Look, Joel...
i cant make it on my own says:
sXe (NOT.) says:
Um. I dunno if I should say this.
i cant make it on my own says:
Yeah? So say it or don't.
i cant make it on my own says:
Sorry, that was harsh.
sXe (NOT.) says:
Yeh well um do you wanna break up or something?
i cant make it on my own says:
sXe (NOT.) says:
'Cause um I really like you (but you already know that.) more than you like me.
i cant make it on my own says:
Why do you think that?
sXe (NOT.) says:
Because I love you, you know that.
i cant make it on my own says:
sXe (NOT.) says:
i cant make it on my own says:
Why do you think I don't like you ( or not like you much, or something)
i cant make it on my own says:
sXe (NOT.) says:
Because you're either distant or avoidant.
sXe (NOT.) says:
And now Benji and and Billy are yelling at me.
i cant make it on my own says:
sXe (NOT.) says:
Because they're both going "WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS?!"
i cant make it on my own says:
i cant make it on my own says:
Do you want to?
sXe (NOT.) says:
No, I don't want to. And sorry, I just had to run off to the bathroom because I don't want my room mate to see me crying.
i cant make it on my own says:
I need to go.

Why am I such a fucking retard? Joel is the best thing that has ever happened to me, and I had to fuck it up. I love him, I thought he loved me.

Benji said Joel was crying, so I asked him to tell him to ring me. He did. Most people think Joel is an egotistical prick, and he pulls off that façade quite well. I know he's not though, really. But his voice over the phone, he was so quiet and depressed and just... subdued sounding.

He didn't want this to happen. Neither did I. He didn't have an explanation for his behaviour. I didn't have an explanation for his behaviour either. He didn't know if he still loved me, what he thought.

He hung up, and I cried.

Benji was still online and said Joel had disappeared to be by himself, still upset. He tried to make me feel better, as did Billy. Billy is even online now, trying to cheer me up. Well, not really. He's just... there.

I still cry. I still hope.

Joel Madden, all I ever wanted was you.
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